Requirements:
-access to an abandoned warehouse
-old enough/built kinda awesome
-maintains good eye contact
-general intensity
-cool moves
-shades
-leather jackets ( I had to give the one in the pic back - long story, I can tell you when we finish)
-Bedazzler
-basic knowledge of knife/sword/bat fight etiquette (I can teach you what I know if you are pretty serious about art like me)
-can lift 80 lbs
-bachelor's in something or equivalent experience
-not a narc
Whereas dudes/J-ing O are both undeniably awesome, I'm a straight bro. As in not gay. I just really love MJ and being open minded about new JO scenarios. We will basically play "Beat It" over and over again while we JO and dance, occasionally parrying/thrusting. Winner finishes the most times, but points will be awarded for finishing first/accuracy. If you're the heter-bro I'm looking for, then we can JO furiously/competitively and then just hang or whatever. I've got laser tag too. I'm pretty serious about this. As in completely serious. If you touch my junk with anything but your own I will BF you in the M. Nerds/gays need not apply. I'M NOT GAY.
P.S. - And I've gotten with hot chicks as recently as just now.
"They told him don't you ever come around here
Don't wanna see your face, you better disappear
The fire's in their eyes and their words are really clear
So beat it, just beat it" "
(this picture was included in the post)
Where oh WHERE to begin with this guy?! He would have posted this sooner but has little faith in humanity? Well, I hope you found yourself a glorious dance partner who restored your faith in many many things.
Your requirements are a bit intense though:
Abandoned warehouse? Just go to New Jersey or Pittsburgh and you should be good to go with that one.
Old enough and built kind of awesome? Well, if you were a true Jacko fan I think you should have written "young enough." Just saying.
Maintains good eye contact? Wait a second...where is this going?
General intensity? During what?!
Cool moves? Are we talking about dancing again, yet?
Shades? I think he only accepts aviators though so he can check out how awesome he looks while pretending to gaze into your eyes.
Leather jackets? Do they have to be red too? And I simply can't WAIT to hear the story behind him selling his last jacket. Oh goody!
Bedazzler? Ok, hold on. Are we really seeking an older guy? This seems like you're hunting for an elementary schooler from the 70's. I'm not so sure this guy is looking for an adult dance partner anymore! Hmmm...
Basic knowledge of knife/sword/bat fight etiquette? I didn't think there was any etiquette. I thought it usually went like this: Hey I'm mad at you, I'm going to smash your face in with this bat. End Scene. I'm pretty sure that's about as much etiquette as you'll find in that sense...and no...there is no artistic ability at all in the realm of knife fighting...unless you're Crocodile Dundee.
Can lift 80 pounds? Ah yes...probably for the Dirty Dancing lift move he plans to do. Hope you're ok placing your hands there to get some good lift on him. And he recently packed on those extra 15 pounds to make it to 80 so he will look more muscular for your JO/knife fight! This guy sounds like a perfect dance partner!
Bachelor's degree or equivalent experience? Would it be equivalent experience if I said I use knives to cook? Or I listen to Michael Jackson's music? Or I wear lots of leather and like little boys too?
Not a narc? I didn't know narcs even existed anymore. Pretty sure that was a 90's fad for cops trying to relive the glory days while still managing to be a total douche.
Alright then. Tough requirements to fill. You sound like a mean girl who has incredibly high standards and doesn't understand why she can't find any matches on her online dating site. Maybe it's because you're unrealistic and mean, you heartless wench! (sobs quietly into hands) But then our friend goes on a lovely rant for another paragraph. He REALLY is making a big deal out of defending his sexuality. All I have to say is this: I didn't read a single thing that gave me the impression that you were gay for wanting to JO, tie your wrist to another guys, wear leather, dance, Bedazzle things, and hang out in private with a guy who has a kind of awesome build who will definitely not narc on you. Nope. Nothing gay there. Of course not, especially considering he told us all he got with a hot chick just now. Wow. She sounds like a keeper! She got with you just now while you were typing up this incredibly homoerotic Craigslist post seeking another dude with intense eye contact?! Lucky guy. Hold on to her. You know what...better yet, because you seem to insist you're a true man...just tell her to Beat It.
If you wish to leave comments or check out older posts: www.tylerconta.blogspot.com
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