Part 2: Weird Roommate Moments
1) Dallas. I'm going back on what I said 2 seconds ago, and discussing my weird roommate, Dallas. He was a strange guy. He was a decent roommate. Yet, I think he was a vampire. And not one of those "sexy" vampires from those stupid movies. He was Nosferatu. He slept with his arms crossed, like a vampire, and he liked the dark and clung to the shadows...like a vampire. We would be hanging out, watching TV, and all of the sudden you hear a laugh in the corner, and Dallas has been standing there for a loooong time, watching TV too, and was just entertained by something on the TV as well. None of us was able to enter his room without some previous knowledge on Dallas' part. When we did enter...it was practically sterile in that room. He mainly used his own dishes for eating. He ate in his room..with the door locked behind him. He would get up, get ready in the morning, then the second he left his room, he'd walk downstairs, right past all of us, not say a word, and go out the front door...which he then locked behind him even though we were ALL sitting in the next room. He never offered us a ride in his truck as he drove to campus, even driving past James and me a few times. His door was always locked. He would lock it to go to the bathroom. Oh yeah...I almost forgot...he would blow dry his hair after he showered! Yeah. And he had about as much hair as I did. No need for a blowdryer, man. He built himself a legitimate Roman Senator's toga for our toga party and I took pictures of him, at his request. It was awkward. At our gang's Thanksgiving meal he didn't want to hug Heidi because he said we weren't really friends. Well...we were trying...but we're definitely not friends with you after that...jerk. And lastly, he just thought he was better and smarter than everyone around him...hence why most of us didn't like him much. He wasn't a bad person at all...I kind of liked Dallas sometimes...but he was just so strange and so condescending it was almost impossible to like the guy. Like seriously...Desmond Tutu came over, met him, interacted with us all, and when Dallas left the room he asked, "What the hell is up with the vampire? He sucks." True story. Trust me.
2) Pranks.
-A roommates bed (I think it was Christian's) was once thrown up onto our roof...just because. I still, to this day, cannot figure out how that bed got up there. Regardless, it was an awesome prank.
1) Dallas. I'm going back on what I said 2 seconds ago, and discussing my weird roommate, Dallas. He was a strange guy. He was a decent roommate. Yet, I think he was a vampire. And not one of those "sexy" vampires from those stupid movies. He was Nosferatu. He slept with his arms crossed, like a vampire, and he liked the dark and clung to the shadows...like a vampire. We would be hanging out, watching TV, and all of the sudden you hear a laugh in the corner, and Dallas has been standing there for a loooong time, watching TV too, and was just entertained by something on the TV as well. None of us was able to enter his room without some previous knowledge on Dallas' part. When we did enter...it was practically sterile in that room. He mainly used his own dishes for eating. He ate in his room..with the door locked behind him. He would get up, get ready in the morning, then the second he left his room, he'd walk downstairs, right past all of us, not say a word, and go out the front door...which he then locked behind him even though we were ALL sitting in the next room. He never offered us a ride in his truck as he drove to campus, even driving past James and me a few times. His door was always locked. He would lock it to go to the bathroom. Oh yeah...I almost forgot...he would blow dry his hair after he showered! Yeah. And he had about as much hair as I did. No need for a blowdryer, man. He built himself a legitimate Roman Senator's toga for our toga party and I took pictures of him, at his request. It was awkward. At our gang's Thanksgiving meal he didn't want to hug Heidi because he said we weren't really friends. Well...we were trying...but we're definitely not friends with you after that...jerk. And lastly, he just thought he was better and smarter than everyone around him...hence why most of us didn't like him much. He wasn't a bad person at all...I kind of liked Dallas sometimes...but he was just so strange and so condescending it was almost impossible to like the guy. Like seriously...Desmond Tutu came over, met him, interacted with us all, and when Dallas left the room he asked, "What the hell is up with the vampire? He sucks." True story. Trust me.
-A roommates bed (I think it was Christian's) was once thrown up onto our roof...just because. I still, to this day, cannot figure out how that bed got up there. Regardless, it was an awesome prank.
-Christian and I once used CAUTION tape and taped shut the doorway to Stud's room. It was such a last minute prank...not very well thought out. I'm pretty sure he walked into it, then probably just tore it all down with a little bit of effort.
-The girl's once stole a mattress from us guys in the Gifford BatCave, hid it in a study lounge, and later played with it in the stairwell.
-Jared, Colin, and Doug made bricks of snow, like for an igloo, and blocked up the entire front door of the girl's house, trapping them inside.
-Colin used to write his name on our whiteboards, freshman year, and it got really annoying. So, with Stud's help, I wrote my name all over several sheets of paper, and taped them to Colin's door. Got 'em! Right? No. I come back from winter break, and Colin had covered every inch of my walls with papers that had his name written multiple times all over them.
-There were lots more little ones, but there's no need to list them all!
3) Our basement. The basement in that house, when we moved in, was disgusting. There was a thin layer of mud all over the floor. That house was infamous in HBurg for having a party every weekend, with at least one band and at least one keg. Well...we certainly weren't going to be doing that, so we tried to clean up the basement. We found a few socks, some fog machine fog juice, and a few empty 40s in that basement. My personal favorite...the bathroom. The bathroom downstairs, when we moved in, was foul. The door to the bathroom was literally a shower curtain. A neon orange shower curtain was the door to our crapper. That is GHETTO. We didn't use it like that very much. Eventually the bathroom got fixed up and actually had walls, a door, a sink, and a light that I hit my head on when I stood up. It was nice. Eventually our washer and dryer were moved from the middle of the room, to a back room, out of the way, so it became our laundry room. Also, thank goodness they moved those things because we needed the space for soccer, punching bags, and guns. Duh! Occasionally Colin, Doug, Christian, and some of the guys and I would play indoor soccer down there for a few minutes, then we'd have to stop because too much dirt and dust was getting kicked up. I tried to clean the floor a few times...but it was useless. We also bought a punching bag and set it up near the stairs. We'd use it to work out, and it was great to use on boring days or cold days. One downside was that every time you hit it, the whole house shook a little. And lastly, we needed the basement to shoot our guns. Well...mostly Colin shot them, but we all did at some point. Let me explain...Colin gets on these random streaks where he gets really in to something, and goes all out for it. Freshman year it was fencing. I think sophomore year was photography. But senior year was guns. These guns were just beebee guns and airsoft guns, so we were relatively safe. We even had one of the guys put on their old fencing chest protection, we pumped the gun only twice, shot them in the chest, and they said it still stung a little. Whoops. But Colin bought 2 or 3 guns, had several different types of beebees, some were made for distance, others speed, and he bought lots of targets. We set them up against the back wall of the basement and shot at them. By the end of senior year, our wall had little holes all over it and our floor was covered in beebees and airsoft pellets. It sure was fun, but it sure did suck having to pay for repairs to the basement wall after we moved out. I'll miss that basement.
4) Wrestling. Stud was a wrestler in high school and he never let you forget it. Chris wrestled too, but he didn't bring his singlet to college and wrestle with anyone who crossed him. So, Stud (James) would make sure that in an argument, or when he wanted his way, he'd just take you to the ground and try to pin you. He mostly busted that out on Christian, his arch-enemy, and Colin, because he's really good at being annoying. But I'm pretty sure Doug, Chris, Jared, even many of the girls, and I have all wrestled with James at some point. Colin's main defense against this, he discovered from James' friend Elliott. It's practically impossible to wrestle someone who just flails around. So, whenever Colin would start to get brought down my James, he'd just start saying "Flail!" as he flapped his arms and legs in weird movements. He was unstoppable, my friends.
5) Doug. Doug was my freshman year roommate in Gifford 008 "The Ocho." I would tell parts of this story on ALL of the tours I gave as an Ambassador because so many incoming students are afraid of random roommates and judge them beforehand. Doug and I were random roommates. He's from Boston, I'm from Richmond. He calls me one time and we talk about who's gonna bring the TV, fridge, floor carpet, all that stuff. Then, he actually asks me what my bed sheets are going to look like. He asked "in case we want our sheets to match." It was ridiculous. It was awesome. After that point, I kind of liked Doug, just because he was unique and not afraid to be that. I friended him on Facebook, and checked him out. Most of his profile pictures involved him on a boat, swimming, hiking, or something outdoorsy. Perfect! I'm pumped that I've got some big outdoorsman hippy roommate that I can bond with and go hiking with. When Doug arrives on move-in day, one of the first things he does is pull out his posters. They include cars, the Pats, a poster of HIM shooting a basketball in a high school game, and the 1st poster I saw was "GHOSTFACE KILLAH." Crap. Who is this kid? Where's the Doug I thought I was getting? He's like some gang banger from south Boston who listens to hardcore rap, brought his OWN loft for his bed, and has a HUGE set of speakers for his computer. Hahaha well, once I realized that's just Doug for ya...it was an awesome year and he was a great roommate, a great friend, and he still is to this day. With Doug's help, we met some great guys on our floor, a few girls and 1 non-fairy guy on the 1st floor, and a few people on the 2nd floor as well. We had some great times making fun of him for his poster of himself, which Heidi and Stud decided to parody with their own version as they dressed in their sport's gear and made a poster for Doug of it, we blasted "The Thong Song" during exam week on his huge speakers and got in trouble with Alyce, our RA who secretly had a cat, gave me an iDoc, and got rid of her cat after I called her out and told the Hall Director, Tony, and made a Facebook group about it. Feel free to join these Facebook groups: "Alyce and her Cat" or "I Haven't Gotten Any Action in Months...but Looking at Stud is Enough" or "I Love Tony Martin" which was a tribute to our awesome Hall Director.
6) Jared's Skeeter. Jared bought a moped because he didn't have his car at JMU, because he lived in New Hampshire and New Mexico. So he buys this moped, has it shipped to our house, The BatCave, because it's coming in a semi truck, and we've got a big yard it can park and do the unloading in. It arrives, we all go out, excited to see it. The truck driver opens up the back of the thing and reveals a small box all the way at the other end of the truck. There is literally NOTHING else in the truck. He unloads the box, we get it open, and it's a decent looking skooter. He get's everything situated and gets ready to start it up. He starts it. It doesn't start. And that my friends, is essentially how that skooter lived its life. Jared rode it down the street once it was going, but every time he stopped at a stop sign, it died. There were a couple times I'd see him on it on campus and be jealous that he could travel so quick and I just had a bike. Yet, it wasn't the most reliable source of transportation. I even passed him once, behind PC Dukes to run back to the house for something. But it worked great for him sometimes. It was nice that he was able to come over and hang more often because he could travel quicker on that thing. We called it his Skeeter. We loved the Skeeter. We loved seeing him Skeet Skeet his way down the road to the Safe Harbor house or to The BatCave. Yet, I'll be totally honest...I have no idea what he did with it. He pretty much didn't use it senior year because it had crapped out enough by then that I think he was tired of it...but literally...I still don't know what he did with the Skeeter. We may never know.
7) One of the most ghetto things I've ever done in my entire life. Chris ran out of gas. Yet, he was parked in the driveway at our house. So, he asked if I could drive him to get gas, I agreed. Then, we decided to try to find a container in our kitchen that would hold some gasoline, so he could bring it back, and fill up his car. We found a clear plastic pitcher that we used to use for iced tea...back when we used to make ice cubes. We hopped in my car, pitcher in hand, and drove about 4 blocks to the closest gas station. Chris stepped out to pretend to fill up my car, instead he just filled up the pitcher, and jumped back into the car. It stunk big time, and I didn't want gasoline to spill in my car, so I made him roll down the window and hold it outside while I drove. So, as cars are driving behind us, and past us, Chris has his arm out the window, holding a clear pitcher of gasoline. I'm trying to drive slow and smooth so that bumps in the road don't make him spill too much. Every once in a while he'd shout "I'm spilling! Take is easy! Slow down!" Then, after we'd made it about half the way back I look over at the pitcher. It's a bit lower than I remember seeing at first, and I think I might see a little crack in the side, but it could just be the light. I mention it to Chris, he looks closer, and says "Drive faster. We've got a leak!" So, I start driving faster as he's in the passenger seat shouting "Go go go! Hurry up! We're losing it!" Every drop was precious. We make it back to the house. Quickly he tries to dump it straight into the tank. It just runs down the side of his car because the pitcher is awkwardly shaped. Chris put the container down, runs inside for one of our funnels we had used for making and bottling our own beer, and begins to try to fill up his car. Yet, the funnel doesn't go all the way down to open up the lid that protects the hole to the tank. So, he's just dumping gas on the side of his car and on the ground. Then I grab a stick to put through the funnel, that will pop open the protective metal lid, and allow gas to flow into his tank. We give it a try and it works. Except, sadly, at this point...we've lost the majority of the pitcher. Chris dumps in what's left, tries to start his car. No go. It doesn't want to start. So, we trash the pitcher, which at this point has simply been eaten away by the gas and has cracks and small holes from bottom to top, where most of our gas was lost while we drove with Chris hanging out the window and shouting at me. Chris eventually had to go buy a container from the station, filled it up, and got his car to start. But, the stuff I remember is the ghetto-ness that was 2 college guys trying to fill up his car with an iced tea pitcher full of gas as it sprung leaks on every side while I floored it to get back home in time.
Good ole college. Or as my friends would say: "Collegeeeee!" So, I hope you enjoyed the random collection of short stories from me about weird roommate moments. Those were probably some of my favorite college memories right there, thanks to the girls, the guys, and Dallas too I guess.
-The girl's once stole a mattress from us guys in the Gifford BatCave, hid it in a study lounge, and later played with it in the stairwell.
-Jared, Colin, and Doug made bricks of snow, like for an igloo, and blocked up the entire front door of the girl's house, trapping them inside.
-Colin used to write his name on our whiteboards, freshman year, and it got really annoying. So, with Stud's help, I wrote my name all over several sheets of paper, and taped them to Colin's door. Got 'em! Right? No. I come back from winter break, and Colin had covered every inch of my walls with papers that had his name written multiple times all over them.
-There were lots more little ones, but there's no need to list them all!
3) Our basement. The basement in that house, when we moved in, was disgusting. There was a thin layer of mud all over the floor. That house was infamous in HBurg for having a party every weekend, with at least one band and at least one keg. Well...we certainly weren't going to be doing that, so we tried to clean up the basement. We found a few socks, some fog machine fog juice, and a few empty 40s in that basement. My personal favorite...the bathroom. The bathroom downstairs, when we moved in, was foul. The door to the bathroom was literally a shower curtain. A neon orange shower curtain was the door to our crapper. That is GHETTO. We didn't use it like that very much. Eventually the bathroom got fixed up and actually had walls, a door, a sink, and a light that I hit my head on when I stood up. It was nice. Eventually our washer and dryer were moved from the middle of the room, to a back room, out of the way, so it became our laundry room. Also, thank goodness they moved those things because we needed the space for soccer, punching bags, and guns. Duh! Occasionally Colin, Doug, Christian, and some of the guys and I would play indoor soccer down there for a few minutes, then we'd have to stop because too much dirt and dust was getting kicked up. I tried to clean the floor a few times...but it was useless. We also bought a punching bag and set it up near the stairs. We'd use it to work out, and it was great to use on boring days or cold days. One downside was that every time you hit it, the whole house shook a little. And lastly, we needed the basement to shoot our guns. Well...mostly Colin shot them, but we all did at some point. Let me explain...Colin gets on these random streaks where he gets really in to something, and goes all out for it. Freshman year it was fencing. I think sophomore year was photography. But senior year was guns. These guns were just beebee guns and airsoft guns, so we were relatively safe. We even had one of the guys put on their old fencing chest protection, we pumped the gun only twice, shot them in the chest, and they said it still stung a little. Whoops. But Colin bought 2 or 3 guns, had several different types of beebees, some were made for distance, others speed, and he bought lots of targets. We set them up against the back wall of the basement and shot at them. By the end of senior year, our wall had little holes all over it and our floor was covered in beebees and airsoft pellets. It sure was fun, but it sure did suck having to pay for repairs to the basement wall after we moved out. I'll miss that basement.
5) Doug. Doug was my freshman year roommate in Gifford 008 "The Ocho." I would tell parts of this story on ALL of the tours I gave as an Ambassador because so many incoming students are afraid of random roommates and judge them beforehand. Doug and I were random roommates. He's from Boston, I'm from Richmond. He calls me one time and we talk about who's gonna bring the TV, fridge, floor carpet, all that stuff. Then, he actually asks me what my bed sheets are going to look like. He asked "in case we want our sheets to match." It was ridiculous. It was awesome. After that point, I kind of liked Doug, just because he was unique and not afraid to be that. I friended him on Facebook, and checked him out. Most of his profile pictures involved him on a boat, swimming, hiking, or something outdoorsy. Perfect! I'm pumped that I've got some big outdoorsman hippy roommate that I can bond with and go hiking with. When Doug arrives on move-in day, one of the first things he does is pull out his posters. They include cars, the Pats, a poster of HIM shooting a basketball in a high school game, and the 1st poster I saw was "GHOSTFACE KILLAH." Crap. Who is this kid? Where's the Doug I thought I was getting? He's like some gang banger from south Boston who listens to hardcore rap, brought his OWN loft for his bed, and has a HUGE set of speakers for his computer. Hahaha well, once I realized that's just Doug for ya...it was an awesome year and he was a great roommate, a great friend, and he still is to this day. With Doug's help, we met some great guys on our floor, a few girls and 1 non-fairy guy on the 1st floor, and a few people on the 2nd floor as well. We had some great times making fun of him for his poster of himself, which Heidi and Stud decided to parody with their own version as they dressed in their sport's gear and made a poster for Doug of it, we blasted "The Thong Song" during exam week on his huge speakers and got in trouble with Alyce, our RA who secretly had a cat, gave me an iDoc, and got rid of her cat after I called her out and told the Hall Director, Tony, and made a Facebook group about it. Feel free to join these Facebook groups: "Alyce and her Cat" or "I Haven't Gotten Any Action in Months...but Looking at Stud is Enough" or "I Love Tony Martin" which was a tribute to our awesome Hall Director.
6) Jared's Skeeter. Jared bought a moped because he didn't have his car at JMU, because he lived in New Hampshire and New Mexico. So he buys this moped, has it shipped to our house, The BatCave, because it's coming in a semi truck, and we've got a big yard it can park and do the unloading in. It arrives, we all go out, excited to see it. The truck driver opens up the back of the thing and reveals a small box all the way at the other end of the truck. There is literally NOTHING else in the truck. He unloads the box, we get it open, and it's a decent looking skooter. He get's everything situated and gets ready to start it up. He starts it. It doesn't start. And that my friends, is essentially how that skooter lived its life. Jared rode it down the street once it was going, but every time he stopped at a stop sign, it died. There were a couple times I'd see him on it on campus and be jealous that he could travel so quick and I just had a bike. Yet, it wasn't the most reliable source of transportation. I even passed him once, behind PC Dukes to run back to the house for something. But it worked great for him sometimes. It was nice that he was able to come over and hang more often because he could travel quicker on that thing. We called it his Skeeter. We loved the Skeeter. We loved seeing him Skeet Skeet his way down the road to the Safe Harbor house or to The BatCave. Yet, I'll be totally honest...I have no idea what he did with it. He pretty much didn't use it senior year because it had crapped out enough by then that I think he was tired of it...but literally...I still don't know what he did with the Skeeter. We may never know.
7) One of the most ghetto things I've ever done in my entire life. Chris ran out of gas. Yet, he was parked in the driveway at our house. So, he asked if I could drive him to get gas, I agreed. Then, we decided to try to find a container in our kitchen that would hold some gasoline, so he could bring it back, and fill up his car. We found a clear plastic pitcher that we used to use for iced tea...back when we used to make ice cubes. We hopped in my car, pitcher in hand, and drove about 4 blocks to the closest gas station. Chris stepped out to pretend to fill up my car, instead he just filled up the pitcher, and jumped back into the car. It stunk big time, and I didn't want gasoline to spill in my car, so I made him roll down the window and hold it outside while I drove. So, as cars are driving behind us, and past us, Chris has his arm out the window, holding a clear pitcher of gasoline. I'm trying to drive slow and smooth so that bumps in the road don't make him spill too much. Every once in a while he'd shout "I'm spilling! Take is easy! Slow down!" Then, after we'd made it about half the way back I look over at the pitcher. It's a bit lower than I remember seeing at first, and I think I might see a little crack in the side, but it could just be the light. I mention it to Chris, he looks closer, and says "Drive faster. We've got a leak!" So, I start driving faster as he's in the passenger seat shouting "Go go go! Hurry up! We're losing it!" Every drop was precious. We make it back to the house. Quickly he tries to dump it straight into the tank. It just runs down the side of his car because the pitcher is awkwardly shaped. Chris put the container down, runs inside for one of our funnels we had used for making and bottling our own beer, and begins to try to fill up his car. Yet, the funnel doesn't go all the way down to open up the lid that protects the hole to the tank. So, he's just dumping gas on the side of his car and on the ground. Then I grab a stick to put through the funnel, that will pop open the protective metal lid, and allow gas to flow into his tank. We give it a try and it works. Except, sadly, at this point...we've lost the majority of the pitcher. Chris dumps in what's left, tries to start his car. No go. It doesn't want to start. So, we trash the pitcher, which at this point has simply been eaten away by the gas and has cracks and small holes from bottom to top, where most of our gas was lost while we drove with Chris hanging out the window and shouting at me. Chris eventually had to go buy a container from the station, filled it up, and got his car to start. But, the stuff I remember is the ghetto-ness that was 2 college guys trying to fill up his car with an iced tea pitcher full of gas as it sprung leaks on every side while I floored it to get back home in time.
Good ole college. Or as my friends would say: "Collegeeeee!" So, I hope you enjoyed the random collection of short stories from me about weird roommate moments. Those were probably some of my favorite college memories right there, thanks to the girls, the guys, and Dallas too I guess.
End of Part 2: Weird Roommate Moments
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